10 Reasons We Can't Be Facebook Friends

As you know FaceBook has a limitation of 5,000 friends. I have been hitting this limit for about 2 years now. Some people get really offended when I unfriend them. Like REALLY offended. Its nothing personal... I just have a limited amount of people I can be friends with... so you probably fit one of the following criteria:

1. You were a tool in high school.
2. You scare me.
3. You troll my wall and disagree with everything I say.
4. You post nothing but negative bullshit on your own status updates about how the world fucked you.
5. You use a picture of your kid as your avatar. Don't get me wrong I love to get friend requests from 7 year old girls... but seriously... Also like when we are comparing the best strip clubs in the world I dont want to talk to a image of your kid... I feel like Chris Hanson is going to interrupt our conversation at any minute...
6. You dress super slutty in your profile picture and distract me from doing work.
7. You post "cryptic" messages to get attention from people, so you can play the victim. Like "Well that really fucked me over" "I wish I had true friends", etc etc so all your friends comment, oh no, what happened?
8. You're an attention whore.
9. You use your wall as your personal counseling service. No one cares about your husband cheating on you.... again...
10. You beg me to "mentor you" or show you the "real secrets" to make 10k a day with no work involved... Hey look while writing this I just got this:

  I know this probably makes me sound like a complete jerk. Probably worse then when I gave you all the reasons I delete your email without responding.. Whatever, it's true.