How To Really Piss Off Grammer Nazi’s

by Jeremy Schoemaker on June 3, 2009 · 92 comments

Step 1) In your website make a lot of gramatical errors.

Step 2) When the Grammar nazi contacts you rub it in there face a bit.

Step 3) Post it on your site.

For example today:

On Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 12:36 PM, val falconer wrote:

From: val falconer
Email: sunny@theelfandtoadstool.ca
Subject: -

Message:

I just read the article about getting advertisers interested in your site. Before you submit your next one I’d strongly suggest that you insure that YOUR spelling and grammar are correct.

To which I reply:

From: Jeremy Schoemaker
Sent: June-02-09 12:11 PM
To: val falconer
Subject: Re: Blog Contact: -

bad grammer is kind of my thing

to which they:

On Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 2:28 PM, The Elf and Toadstool wrote:

You have got to be f’ing kidding!

and me:

From: Jeremy Schoemaker
Sent: June-02-09 1:32 PM
To: The Elf and Toadstool
Subject: Re: Blog Contact: -

I know amazing aint it!!!!!

and finally:

On Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 3:39 PM, The Elf and Toadstool wrote:

Go blow!

Now I am not sure what Go blow means… but doesn’t sound good…

Maybe its cocaine related? While I have smoked the devils lettuce on occasion I have never done cocaine.. always scared me a bit to be honest.

Maybe its a Canadian thing?

About the author...

Jeremy Schoemaker – who has written 2416 posts on ShoeMoney.com.

Hi I am Jeremy Schoemaker and ShoeMoney.com is my blog. 99% of the post here are done by me but you will see others occasionally make guest posts. This blog is fun to write but for my day job I run several online companies.

Images provided by ShutterStock

Mark recommends you read these posts also:

{ 90 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Blobalchatforums June 3, 2009 at 6:33 am

Very funny.
Don’t they have anything better to do?

2 Walt June 3, 2009 at 6:45 am

In Step 2, you spelled “there” wrong

3 Michael Edwards June 3, 2009 at 6:51 am: Walt, you forgot a period at the end of your sentence.

Reply
4 Pat with SPI June 3, 2009 at 6:55 am: It’s kind of his thing…lol.

Reply

5 Melvin June 3, 2009 at 7:03 am

In my humble opinion, ‘go blow’ may also mean something related to ‘sex or having sex and stuffs’… again thats how i feel about the term

6 Roseli A. Bakar June 3, 2009 at 7:03 am

haha… You sure know how to piss him Jeremy.

7 Isaac June 3, 2009 at 7:30 am

The irony is the grammar nazi doesn’t know how to spell – it’s ‘ensure’ not ‘insure’, hehe.

8 Stephen June 3, 2009 at 7:51 am

I love how Val’s name is in lower case letters and she should really have spelt it ‘ensure’…

9 Ricky Peterson June 3, 2009 at 7:54 am

Poor English…Bad Grammar Who care actually shoe …in Today’s world across internet if you are famous enough ..!!

I very well remember some one making same kind of comment on my blog and corrected it immediately as i am not as famous as you ..lol

10 Mike June 3, 2009 at 8:03 am

Shouldn’t it be “ensure”. Well unless Val is suggesting you take out an insurance policy to protect you against future grammatical errors…

11 Alexander Dombroff June 4, 2009 at 10:51 am: lol!

Reply

12 Larry June 3, 2009 at 8:07 am

Jeremy, you’re in good company, it “ain’t my thing either”.

With that said, did anyone notice that val used “insure” instead of ensure?

Kettle: Hi Pot, you’re black.

Thanks for the laugh Jeremy!

13 Caleb June 3, 2009 at 8:13 am

“the devils lettuce”, lol I have tears streaming down my face from laughter.
I’m moderately dyslexic and grammar/spelling is my toughest challenge. I got hit on Twitter by some clown humper who’s life is so pathetic and void of anything meaningful that he goes around busting people for the correct use of “your” vs. “you are”. What kind of childhood do you have to be subjected to for you to think thats worth while?
Keep your grammar the way it is!

14 Jesse June 3, 2009 at 2:54 pm: Dyslexics of the world UNTIE!!!!!

the term clown humper is awesome, thanks for adding a valuable contribution to my “repertwaaa” I think im gonna make a point to speel as meny werds rong as I kan in my nect poast..

Reply

15 Mike @ MyNewAffiliateLife June 3, 2009 at 8:22 am

That guy doesn’t understand how Uber l337 Shoe Money readers are.

16 Abdulrahman Abdulkawi June 3, 2009 at 8:22 am

I think grammar is important even if you’re rich already, you have to stay professional; unless of course the blog is all about you then why not be informal and have a relaxed writing style

17 Tom - StandOutBlogger.com June 3, 2009 at 8:29 am

Haha! That has to be one of the most entertaining posts I have read in a while! thanks for the laugh Shoe!

18 The Bad Blogger June 3, 2009 at 8:31 am

You want to know what’s “Go Blow”, here in Singapore it means, “Blow Job For Someone”

I’m not sure you know what I mean, but I think is kind of words we use in Singapore that does not speak directly ….

19 Ricky Peterson June 3, 2009 at 9:19 am: LOL …Singapore, Its not only in your country dude it is very much similar every where across the world when you can not say something directly – One uses this kind of phrase.

Reply
20 DIY June 3, 2009 at 9:42 am: lol

Great post.

Great response.

Reply

21 Todd Mintz June 3, 2009 at 8:41 am

You have a blogging style that is very successful…so why change anything?

22 AcaiX3 June 3, 2009 at 9:02 am

You didn’t just post his email address! How f’ing wrong is that.

23 Reverse Cell Phone Lookup June 3, 2009 at 9:05 am

If it was Canadian it would be “Go blow, eh!”

24 BigPappa June 3, 2009 at 9:28 am

Ha ha ha. That’s funny. I love it. I wonder if Val Falconer has a successful blog/web business? The design of his/her site sure doesn’t indicate it.

25 Used Macs June 3, 2009 at 9:29 am

But did they find the content useful?

(“the devils lettuce” <- LMAO…too funny shoe!)

26 Earn $100 Per Day with PPC June 3, 2009 at 9:34 am

Classic. Didnt one of your podcast mention a better conversion rate with bad spelling?

27 Mr. School Fundraising Ideas June 3, 2009 at 9:51 am

LOL that is awesome way to shove that in their faces. However is it just me or did the elf and toad stool idiot make his own mistake? Shouldn’t it be “grammar is correct” and not ” grammar are correct”? yeah I made a double negative sentence so what

28 Deborah June 3, 2009 at 9:57 am

Personally, I police grammar on my own site like a true schoolmarm, but chasing down other people for minor infractions is just a personality problem.

For the record:
-It’s spelled not spelt unless you’re talking about grain.
-ensure is better than insure.
-grammar is, not grammar are, BUT spelling and grammar are, not spelling and grammar is.

I hope you all feel better knowing these things.

29 Mike June 3, 2009 at 11:27 am: You’re right, the grammar Nazi used “insure” incorrectly in his complaint.

NO GRAMMAR FOR YOU!

Reply

30 Youngistaan June 3, 2009 at 9:58 am

Lol thats funny. Well i mention that i am not so well in Grammer. I know one think that i can express my self whatever i want to show and anyone can understand it.

31 netmeg June 3, 2009 at 10:10 am

I was on a forum once where someone was going off about spelling, and the “victim” posted “so who died and made you Spelling Penis?”

Next thing we knew, we had a new user on the forum – Spelling Penis. You do NOT want to know what the avatar looked like.

32 Chat Business June 3, 2009 at 10:38 am

Haha, this post made me laugh! Those grammar nazi’s have to much time!

33 Sensei June 3, 2009 at 10:38 am

you’Re a tough guy I really like the way how you are blogging and I hate the gramma guys.

You found an amazing way to deal with them

and “go blow” is more related to your best thing and not to drug but I bet you knew it.

34 ways to make money online June 3, 2009 at 10:46 am

Now I know people make mistakes…SOMETIMES…But Shoemeister does it too much…

Now you might remember me saying in past posts (if you even read them)….How if this mother fucker can’t spell correctly 75% of the time…Anyone can get to his status…

35 rudy Hadisentosa June 3, 2009 at 11:45 am

Its crazy, dont they have nothing better to do ? i mean.. who cares if we acnt sepll correctly as long as WE MAKE TONS OF MONEY

grammar dude, you can blow yourself

36 Adam Baird June 3, 2009 at 11:47 am

never understood people who obsess over meaningless details…pretty funny when it gets exposed though

37 Deborah June 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm

The person who said “it’s your own blog and you can do whatever you want” is right.

But I don’t think it’s meaningless. It’s language; the means by which we understand one another.

All the way down at zero is blahblahblah and no one understands anything. All the way up at a thousand is perfect communication.

Anything that shifts us closer to zero, even just a wee little bit closer, is problematic and not meaningless. It may not show a net result, but where do you draw the line? It’s like a tiny leak in a boat; sure it’s small, but eventually you sink anyway, and with your last drowning gasp of breath you can say “but it was just a tiny, meaningless detail!”

I’m not a believer in perfect grammar. I like slang and puns and saying “y’know” and “WTF.” But I believe deeply in writing in a way that communicates what you intend to communicate.

And you have to take into account that one of the things people will perceive you to be communicating, if you have lots of errors, consistently, is that you either (a) are uneducated and ignorant, or (b) don’t give a shit whether they understand you.

So I prefer to write carefully on my own blogs.

38 Ricky Peterson June 3, 2009 at 1:21 pm: I agree with your point of view Deborah. One should always not keep emphasizing on grammar. Main thing is how you communicate across at other end. Language should be understandable that is main point for any one who is blogging or commenting.

Reply

39 Murray Newlands June 3, 2009 at 11:58 am

Great post

You are a man after my own hart.

Murray

40 Greg Ellison June 3, 2009 at 12:00 pm

I would say to this person go to hell. This is your blog and you can do what ever you want. Greg Ellison

41 brian June 3, 2009 at 12:36 pm

What’s funnier is her use of “insure” instead of “ensure” in her post lamenting over your grammar.. haha.. what a snoot..

“From: val falconer
Email: sunny@theelfandtoadstool.ca
Subject: -

Message:

I just read the article about getting advertisers interested in your site. Before you submit your next one I’d strongly suggest that you insure that YOUR spelling and grammar are correct.”

42 Tutoring Service June 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

haha that will them off for sure

43 Dino June 3, 2009 at 2:24 pm

That was surely really funny indeed!

44 Emmet Gibney June 3, 2009 at 3:48 pm

They teach writing to kids it looks like…

45 Marc June 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm

You can always answer back in baby talk or teen text! omg…

46 William Bakhos June 3, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Awesome… the funny thing is this guy/gal will prob come back to the site to check up on more grammar… slowly getting sucked into the Shoemoney brand.

I once made a big error on a post of mine and suddenly my comments went up and people started coming back more.

Sometimes I feel like deliberately writing stupid stuff to get a reaction.. and drive traffic

Keep up the good work.
Will

47 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 9:20 am: Sometimes I feel like deliberately writing stupid stuff to get a reaction.. and drive traffic

Oh, Will, that’s so last year – it’s been done to death.

Unfortunately, it still works. Go for it.

Reply

48 jjprojects June 3, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Ha, very amusing. It is funny how people care sooo much about grammar, so much so that they feel they can take a nasty tone to correct you.

49 myddnetwork June 3, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Oh, what pathetic person… Instead of wasting my time by trying to correct other people about grammar, I would be watching movies, reading something interesting, making exercise, making money, chatting with girlfriends… even taking a nap or going to a stripping club would be more worthwhile than sending fool e-mails.

50 Leigh - SEMsamurai.com June 3, 2009 at 6:57 pm

he he he – I think they might be friends with my wife… She’s always correcting my grammar!

51 bizOmundo June 3, 2009 at 8:06 pm

Amen brother Schoemaker. To paraphrase Mark Twain, “I feel sorry for anyone that can only think of one way to spell a word.”

I wonder if Grammar Nazi’s also ask “You want to put what, WHERE?” (talking about commas, semicolons and the like.)

52 John MacIntyre June 3, 2009 at 8:11 pm

I don’t understand what the big deal is either. Some people get so caught up with Grammar and spelling … personally, I just don’t care.

I probably should, but I definitely don’t get as hung up as a lot of these people do.

53 Tartan Geek June 3, 2009 at 9:47 pm

I freakin love this!!! How many times do I get these emails..I write the way I talk and these people need to get a life. Good on ya Shoe

54 Mother Pucker Hockey June 3, 2009 at 10:25 pm

If it were a Canadian thing, it would have been “Tron Funkin Blow”

55 best wrinkle creams June 3, 2009 at 11:45 pm

I was on a forum once where someone was going off about spelling,

56 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 9:17 am: Have you got any good recipes for canned pork by-products, perchance? I got a hundred of those, once, in my inbox, but Google’s filters wouldn’t let me see them.

Reply

57 R Kumar June 3, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Very interesting discussion.
I seem to agree with you but would also want to appreciate the comments posted by a commentator named “Deborah”.
First of all it is true that the person who was trying to police SHOEMONEY on grammar had none of it.
Secondly, just wanted to put across my point in regards to this subject. There are instances when you write a sentence and your document creator (MS-Word, for me) come up with a silly suggestion saying, “Incorrect Grammar”. But I do not find any problem in the grammar and the sentence sounds perfect and interesting to me. So there would always be different ways to communicating a message. One way would sound to be more interesting and though-provoking whereas the other way would sound like a dead sentence because of the excessive focus on grammar. How many time have we really focused on grammar when we speak? Probably never. So when a theory says that no matter how we jumble up words or, misspell it, we will be able to read it correct, it means that we understand the message, spelling and grammar immaterial. Our mind is programmed to hear good and musical sentences, and not focus too much on grammar unless you are an English teacher.
But at the same time, your communication should also not be absolutely devoid of grammar.
The best person to decide what is right is you – none others. So far a correcting people is concerned, I believe we are out of colleges and are no more appearing for English exams.

58 Technology Slice June 4, 2009 at 1:01 am

lol you’re a funny guy Jeremy.

59 Melvin June 4, 2009 at 1:41 am

Oh, a great professor of mine (psychology) told me it’s something related to ‘screw you’ and ‘suck my balls’…

60 aGor June 4, 2009 at 1:55 am

“devils lettuce” made my day!

61 fas June 4, 2009 at 2:42 am

Haha Shoe, at your level you can afford to say so. But newbies and medium bloggers can’t.

62 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 9:24 am: What’s a “medium blogger”? Is it anything like a “mid-list author” or is it someone who psychically channels dead bloggers and recycles their materials and calls it their own? (Or would that just be an “occult plagiarist”?)

Reply

63 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 6:52 am

Oh, please. Don’t you know the difference between a Troll and a Grammar Nazi? You can always spot the Troll: He’s either pissing in someone’s Post Toasties, or his own grammatical errors increase as he lambastes yours. That’s one of the more amusing things about Trolls.

A proper Grammar Nazi would have cited sources (reputable sources, like Chicago Manual of Style, or Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition: First Course). He would have painstakingly edited your post in order to prove, by example, that you needed to hire an editor.

He might, if he has a Web site of his own, used your post as an example of “how not to” and exposed it to ridicule by the Society of Grammar Nazis. But he would never have stooped to vulgarities to make his point. That simply isn’t good form; it’s akin to spluttering a double-negative at a cocktail party.

Please learn to use “ain’t” correctly; if you’re going to resurrect such arcane verbiage, you ought to restore it faithfully to its rightful usage. It is a contraction of “am I not.” Thus, “Ain’t I?” is merely redundant, and “ain’t it” would result in “am I not it?”

Isaac, I deeply regret that your “ensure” vs. “insure” argument is NOT a proper proof that this individual is a Troll rather than a Grammar Nazi (because I really don’t associate with Trolls). No, “ensure” and “insure” are accepted as interchangeable. Few of us appreciate the subtly nuanced differences in meaning, and alas, the dictionary agrees with those who don’t. I’ve had this argument – at work, no less. I continue to use it correctly, but no longer beat people over the head with Roget’s Thesaurus for using it “incorrectly.” It took months of therapy, but…

Never mind.

Deborah, I think I will have to visit your blog. You sound like a sensible and intelligent person, and you know what “spelt” is. I’m impressed.

R Kumar, one ought to know all the rules before breaking them, but breaking them on purpose, to some good effect, is what makes writing fun and creative. Imagine a world of short, declarative sentences consisting only of subject, verb, and the occasional conjunction. Boring!

Bobalchatforums: Sadly, no. Being the last bastion of good grammar is a calling; for some of us, it’s a vocation. Is there anything “better” than saving civilization from txting and l337 and run-of-the-mill carelessness? Funny side note: My daughter’s boyfriend makes fun of me – “Who uses semicolons and proper grammar in TEXT messages?” Good thing I have unlimited MMS; otherwise, I might go broke or crazy!

Want to know how to really piss off (or confuse) a roomful of writers? Walk in and ask, quite innocently, “So, what’s the deal with active and passive voice? Is passive evil or something?” That’s always guaranteed fun. Ooops. Did that sound Troll-like? Sorry.

64 Deborah June 4, 2009 at 9:08 am

Holly, I think I love you.

65 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 9:15 am

Deborah, I almost wrote the same thing to you, but I was afraid you might find it creepy and stalkerish coming from a relative stranger (albeit one who shares your passion for good grammar) on such short acquaintance. Thank you!

And do you have a different site? I did click your name, but that man walking across the screen startled me and he was so loud my coworkers burst out with “What the – ?” If not, click MY name – come visit me, some time.

66 Deborah June 4, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Since I post here from work, I comment from my work address. (The loud guy has a cookie; he should only be talking to you once unless you have cookies blocked; and I love him—I wrote his speech.)

I have personal blogs here:

http://www.lippsisters.com
blog.jamesbondfanbook.com

67 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 3:03 pm: Very nice, Deborah. I’ve bookmarked those, and a few from down the rabbit hole through which they led me. Thank you! (I like your guy, too, but not when he’s startlingly loud and my office door is wide open. I really should just turn audio OFF while working.)

68 Dave D June 4, 2009 at 9:18 pm

My goodness.

I feel faint…

69 tenouk June 4, 2009 at 8:22 am

love this movie
The Pursuit of Happyness …… orrrr waitt may be The Pursuit of Happiness… huh

ref: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454921/

70 Leo Fogarty June 4, 2009 at 9:52 am

It’s a good way of increasing eyeballs to your site. How many of you checked out theelfandtoadstool.ca ?

71 Alexander Dombroff June 4, 2009 at 10:51 am

Everytime I read “grammar Nazi’s” I think it says German Nazi’s and am slightly dumber.

72 Lindsay June 4, 2009 at 11:24 am

I love how the dumb-ass says “insure” intead of “ensure”… hahahaha

73 Holly Jahangiri June 4, 2009 at 12:28 pm: I think we could agree, in principle, that the Troll is a “dumb-ass,” Lindsay, but his use of “insure” instead of “ensure” is not enough to qualify him for the distinction.

See http://www.yourdictionary.com/grammar-rules/Insure_vs_Ensure.html (note that they do say AP style is stricter on the matter, as they should be – but that horse has left the barn and gone roaming with the wild ponies, so I’d find other, more interesting points to nitpick, despite the fact that I agree with you and those who would make the distinction).

Some of us do see a difference between “insure” and “ensure,” just as we can distinguish “mauve” from “dusty rose” from “ashy lavender.” Others see no need for such fine granularity in their use of language, and figure hitting the bulls-eye 5% of the time is sufficient. They would merely roll their eyes at our insistence that “insure” relate, somehow, to insurance, and that “ensure” relate to making certain of something. Ensure that the door is locked, or it will cost more to insure your house next year.

Reply

74 Marky June 4, 2009 at 12:24 pm

LOL. This is a funny side of you Mr. Jeremy. Hehe.

75 Play Games Win Prizes June 4, 2009 at 2:22 pm

You know Shoe…if you weren’t one of the “BIG BLOGGERS”, I think you would reply a lot nicer to that guy and have no grammar problems

-Mike

76 Jim June 4, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Hey Jeremy ,

I outsource lots of my content to another country. The writers grammer isn’t perfect
until I look it over and edit.

Still I was always concerned about handling this problem, so far I have not been attacked yet, but I do expect it sooner or later.

The grammar nazi needs a new life

Cheers,
Jim

77 Rick Kats June 4, 2009 at 5:20 pm

lol this killed me… I guess there’s always a troll hiding somewhere.

78 Dean Saliba June 5, 2009 at 7:53 am

This made my morning!

It is nice to see big blogs not taking themselves too seriously.

79 Joe June 5, 2009 at 3:56 pm

my god! they need to get rid of the 80′s web design and stop correcting you.
theelfandtoadstool.ca

80 Joe June 5, 2009 at 3:57 pm

oh yeah and the used frontpage 98 to build the site!

81 Zawad Iftikhar June 5, 2009 at 5:08 pm

EveryOne has the funny side but Mr Jeremy has the naughty side as well

82 Jay @ work from home June 6, 2009 at 9:13 am

It amazes me how I still receive non-sense kind of email about the simplest errors. I just delete them

83 Lip Surgery June 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

May be 5 years down the lane I too can afford to be not too conscious about such things.But right now ………..It is simply No….No.

84 Ben Pei June 7, 2009 at 11:13 pm

Lol! Canadian thing? Anything against JC ?

85 scarlett hayes June 10, 2009 at 9:30 am

hahaha. or maybe point out their misuse of the word ‘insure’. I definitely would have sent a snooty remark back about them being grammar police and using the wrong ‘ensure’. lmao. idiots.

86 Sergey Rusak June 10, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Oh, I understand! I came to US from Eastern Europe. Once i was in some grocery store and random guy heard me talking… for no reason he said to me:

Him: Go back to your country and learn English.
Me: I am sorry, can you repeat please.
Him: You heard me, I mean, Hm… when you speak it is like annoying buzz for my ears.
Me: Sir, do you understand that you are racist.
Him: Oh godness, don’t start this thing. I am not a racist. I am just showing my opinion and many people will support me.

… after this he left. The funny thing was… he spoke with an accent!!!

87 Holly Jahangiri June 10, 2009 at 7:41 pm: Sergey, the most important thing is to try to communicate clearly. That’s really the point of language, no matter how intent some of us are on keeping it “proper.”

I know a man whose “cause” is to promote standard English as the official global language. He’s Romanian. So who knows where this guy was from, Sergey?

I find it slightly grating when people who grow up here in the U.S., or choose to settle here and become permanent residents or citizens, can’t be bothered to learn English. Or worse, PRETEND not to – though they understand and speak it very well. It seems both careless and rude. However, I think I’m far kinder about it than Parisians are about speaking “proper French.” And we all know that the citizens of Quebec don’t even acknowledge that there ARE other languages besides French.

Oh, gosh, was that racist? I keep forgetting. I am still stuck on how we’re all members of ONE race: HUMAN.

Reply

88 YingHang June 12, 2009 at 7:11 am

Well, what is the role of grammar in Go blow? Language is to communicate. I think you rightly called them Nazis.
We must not stress more on the less important thing like Grammar. You have a great post out there shoe. Loved reading every bit of it.

89 Holly Jahangiri June 12, 2009 at 9:30 am: Well, what is the role of grammar in Go blow?

It’s missing an object, though one can be reasonably inferred. It may not be the clearest form of communication, though – it would make a great deal of difference if it were intended to be reflexive.

Reply

90 Sarah@accountingtutor April 27, 2010 at 9:30 am