Why I Won’t F’in Digg or Stumble That Page For You

Intro from Shoemoney: A month a go I was talking on Instant Messanger with a very well known female SEO who also works for a very large and well respected SEO Firm and she expressed how she wishes she had a place to vent her frustrations on the industry. I told her I would give her a platform. She choose the pen name of SEOBitch. Please welcome her.

It seems lately that everyone wants their shit on the front page of Digg or Sphinn or wants to get those millions of StumbleUpon views. And yeah, the vast majority of what I see that people want to hit those front pages is just that, shit. And inevitably, many of these so-called social media experts and wannabes spam all their friends and frenemies asking for those precious votes. But want in on a little dirty secret? Those requests actually make me hit that tempting little “Bury” button, instead of voting you up by one. And know what else? I wield more power since those bury votes can do far more hurt than that single Digg vote would have done for you.
So want to know why I bury instead of Digg? Let me tell you tell you how you all piss me off when asking for those Diggs and Stumbles.

You’re only good for one f’in thing

If you instant message me, and your entire interaction with me is “Can you Digg this for me, thanks”, and especially when it comes complete with an obfuscated tinyurl so I can’t even see what it is you want me to Digg, like hell I will Digg it for you. If you can’t even bother to ask me how I am because you are too busy with your mass IM Digg campaign, like hell I will Digg it. IM the next sucker who is willing to bow to your every command, because you know what? That sucker isn’t me.

Bend over

If I haven’t heard from you in six months and I get a “hey, how are you?” out of the f’in blue, sorry if I am a little suspicious of your motives. Because chances are after I say how I am and then ask how you are, I’ll get a “fine, fine, hey can you Stumble this?” And yes, chances are pretty good that I won’t since you clearly didn’t give a shit about how I was, all you wanted was my popular Stumble account to show my Stumble friends that I thought your shit was actually worthy. So why don’t you just ask me to bend over too, while you’re at it? What you are doing is the same damn thing.

Shut the tweet up

If 80% of your tweets are asking for a vote of some kind, or worse, all your “New blog entry” tweets go straight to your Digg or Sphinn submission pages of that blog entry, surprisingly I won’t really feel that inclined to give you my vote. And chances are pretty good you will get an unfollow pretty quickly by me and many others too. At least combine some of your pathetic attempts to garner votes with tweets about something to mask the obvious, that you are only on twitter to use and abuse your followers.

F’in spam folder

Want to know the fastest way for all your emails to go straight to my spam folder? When you only ever email me when you want a vote or stumble. And just because I can’t see who else you emailed doesn’t mean you can fool me into thinking that you only emailed me and not the 80 other people you did. I might let it slide once or twice, but three times in a week? Your emails will start automatically going to my spam filter where they will never see the light of day. And bonus bury points to those who email me with nothing but “Digg” in the subject line and the URL in the body.

CC’in asshole

And if you forget to BCC and f’in CC us all? Well, let’s just say that is a pretty tempting opportunity to email you back, and yes, I will definitely CC everyone in on it, about what an asshole you are for exposing all those email addresses when many of them are blackhat spammers, if I don’t respond back to everyone with a nice little FU email instead. Trust me, your popularity will wane after that little stunt.
The moral of the story? If you are a friend I actually talk to on a regular basis, meaning conversations that don’t end with you asking “can you…”, I will pretty much Stumble and Digg anything you ask, and even the things you have blogged that you don’t ask me to. But beware, if you are one of those f’in so-called friends I only hear from when you want something from me, trust me, your spam campaign would be better off steering way clear of me and my bury, desphinn and report spam abilities. Because if you are an asshole to me, you are definitely going to get asshole back.