Jul 11 2007
Skills to Right Some Ills
By Jeremy Schoemaker
40 comments 
This is a guest post for Shoemoney and it’s damned good so it should get accepted. Also, my blog sucks, so please don’t check it out.
In this post I will share how to recover from pissing off internet gurus, of which I’m sure I’ve probably done my fair share.
- First off, stop doing stupid things. This includes commenting when you have nothing interesting to say, telling them they don’t know how to write, posting a stupid reply under the first commenter just to get attention, repeatedly correcting their spelling when they don’t want you to, making fun of their kid’s acne, making post titles such as “Why I Hate Shoemoney” and misquoting them just to get traffic, or anything else that’s annoying.
- Bribery. Most lists should include some form of bribery, and for good reason. Do something for the internet guru. Find out what tweaks their twitter and go above and beyond. If the guru does a t-shirt Friday, send him and his family ski jackets with free lift tickets to a resort somewhere in the Alps. Or maybe a sweatshirt. If you don’t have the dough, do something creative. Send some traffic to their store with a contest. “First one to buy a Shoemoney shirt, tear off the sleeves, paint themselves green like the Hulk, and mail me a photo of it, gets a free whatever. Do something for the guru pro bono like programming, ebook publishing, or mow their lawn or something when they’re not looking (maybe don’t do the last one, that’s creepy and may even be illegal).
- Apologize. Send them an email saying “Hey, remember back when we argued over what blog template was best and I called your mother a harnessed horse ninny? Yeah, well I was wrong. You were right. And your mother is not a harnessed horse ninny.” Then make the apology public and don’t do it again.
- Show appreciation. Gurus work hard. If they are helping you, thank the hell out of them. And thank them on specific things that are labor intensive and not-so-obvious. Nobody hates hearing genuine thank-you’s.
- Be objective. Don’t be a yes-man. If a guru announces that the internet is a fad and will die out on Wednesday, call them out on it. But do so respectfully and with facts. It keeps em on their toes and they should appreciate it. If they don’t…
- Forget them. Not all gurus are worth your time. Some are jerks. Know when to move on and don’t pander to anyone.
- Forget all of these pre-packaged lists with regurgitated content under a different title, work smart, and just be a good blogger and a good person. If still nobody notices, who cares? Life is too short and too great to care about silly things like impressing a guru.
In the comments below please thank Jeremy for something positive you have picked up from reading his blog or from knowing him personally. Or bribe him. Yeah, he’ll think this is stupid and corny, but this is a guest post so he’s not in charge.
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This post rocks!
Since he asked to thank for something positive you’ve done. Jeremy I thank you for the no nonsense attitude you have…that’s about it!
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LOL
Thanks for allowing people to guest post while you’re away, Shoe. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the privilege of reading this…this…fun and useless post.
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This is the best link baiting article (or attention grabbing) I ever seen.
The whole purpose of the article is to grab Shoe’s attention, he succeded, congrats!
*article writer you’re my guru now*
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I’ve got some useful stuff from Shoe but, I’ll go the bribery route… if you give me a blogroll link I’ll give you a dollar.
Hmmm - me thinks the blackmail approach might be better. If you don’t give me a blogroll link then I will delete the whole intraweb by yesterday.
Damnit this comment sucks… I guess I owe you ski lift tickets. E-mail me and I’ll have them to you by Friday.
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this is the how to best kiss ass post ever
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Thank you Shoe for inspiring me to not let circumstances stop me…the fact that you were in debt when you started made me feel a lot better about starting mine anyways…
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Humorous post, but I think if you want to contribute to any popular blogger you don’t need to thank him over and over in the comments. If he’s got more than 3 to 4 people commenting per post, he probably already here’s it enough and constructive criticism or taking a different angle on a post would be more beneficial.
That being said, Shoe has been great at reiterating how well sex sells
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haha very nice post. It does piss me off when people leave one or two word comments, or they try to correct me.
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Haha, you’re getting people to click on your blog by saying “don’t go there, my blog sucks!”
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Good post, I can see Shoe is picking good articles to post for his absence.
Positive: I like the fact that Shoe doesn’t sit here and have every post about making him money. He’s doing it right by not saying me,me,me he says this has worked or this hasn’t worked and I don’t know if it’ll work for you.
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lol thanks for the laugh man…
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Thanks for the…. free link! haha. I kid, I kid.
Shoe, This is a great blog as many people have discovered over the years and the information you provide on web related news and trends is always outstanding so Thank You, you SEO Pimp.
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I like when commenters offer me constructive criticism, and really dislike when people hang on my sack.
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I think I came a little close to #2 by sending t-shirts for the whole family, no?
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Hey, that’s a great post. And you’re right, your blog stinks. LOL
But, you’re right, bribery and “kissing up” to them works well. You can always send them a gift basket from an online gift basket company, that tends to work very very well.
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lol I love this post. Bribery definitely is huge on this list. Thats my next tactic *evil*
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i visit your blog regularly shoe but i don’t comment
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Good entertainment.
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depends on who’s hanging don’t you think?
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Shoe, you enjoy this?
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Woah, you used it. Sweet. Everyone stay tuned for my next post “How to Trick a Guru into Using Your Crappy Guest Post.”
Just kidding. You kick ass Jeremy. Thanks a lot.
As for the appreciation, I really like your no-b.s. style and you’re a great inspiration and underdog story.
Posts like your latest Freedom or Security and the first paragraph of this this are perfect examples. Also one recently I couldn’t find where you break down the actual jobs you’ve had and how long you’ve had them.
Anyway, thanks again man.
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i hope the lift tickets are to a Chilean resort b/c according to my calendar, it’s July… yea must be for Chilie (sp?)
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Where do you find these people…
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I didnt click it.
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LOL. I love this post! Thanks Shoemoney for all your advice and your great blog. If you want my husband can design a shirt for you for free. His graphic designs are outstanding!
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I think they find him! Good read, it’s so important to be yourself on the internet, but I do like this post because it can kind of humble you in a way.
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I second your comment. This post does rock and your blog doesn’t suck. It’s funny and interesting. I wanted to see how your blog started so I read your first two entries. I like the one on Money Scams. Good Job, 3 thumbs up.
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I suggest you give this guys blog a read. It’s very funny and worth the wasted time.
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Very, very nice article. Good work! Made me chuckle a little, too.
Steve
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So some gurus are jerks..who would have known and I shouldn’t worship them? But they make 6-figure money by just surfing the net =P
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Very nice article.
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I never had the guts to bribe anyone — now is probably the best time to start LOL.
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Shoe has been an inspiration to us all. Great job on that post, Joe!
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interesting take on things. I love #6.
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Well DOne - thank you.
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Well, if you don’t want me to visit your blog, I guess I won’t.
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He is really damned good! i like #1 and #6..
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Reverse psychology? Please don’t check out my blog? Extra points for you!
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I second that. Its very kind of Jeremy to allow people to submit posts to add to his blog while he is away or on vacations.
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I’m an idiot. I wrote this guest post and then deleted this blogger blog without looking into a redirect or whatever they call it. It also seems to have screwed up the formatting.
So here’s number whatever (those are gone too). Don’t be stupid by guest posting and then deleting your blog so the guru has a dead link and you have no link or any additional traffic.
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